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This is the class blog for Primary 5A of Fengshan Primary School. We are ambitious but we know how to have fun too! Find out more about us from our individual blogs.
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72 comments:
“Hey! Give me that!” Jane said. Jane my sister and I were at our nearby garden The weather was fine and the garden was packed like sardines. The air was also cool and refreshing.
Jane and I were playing seesaw and we were having lots of fun. A middle-age lady was bringing her baby here and her baby looks adorable! An old man was sitting on the benches reading newspaper. A boy is taking a catapult and shoot the beehive and a man tried to stop him but it was all to late. “Buzz! Buzz! Buzz!”Everyone take a look at the beehives and they all ran away when a swarm of angry bees came buzzing angrily after them. The boys that shot the beehives managed to escape by diving into the pond. I immediately ran with my sister as fast as my legs could carry me. I was so scared that I even forgot to take my wallet! After about one hour, I went back there and was lucky to get my wallet back’s saw the boy who shot the beehive was reprimanded my an adult who looks angry and his face was stung by bees. After taking my wallet,I went back home. When my mother came back, I told her what had happened. She told me that we should not be playful as sometimes we could cause trouble although we did not do that on purpose.
From this story, we can learn that never be playful or troubles befall on you!
“Oww…” I groaned in agony as I tried to reach over and help myself a glass of water placed on the table just a few centimeters away from me. The pain in my leg was just excruciating. As I looked at the cast on my leg forlornly, memories of the devastating incident which happened a few days ago flooded through my mind…
I loafed on the sofa and sighed in exasperation. I looked everywhere in my house and could not find anything to occupy my time. Comics, television programs, computer games… Nothing interesting! Finally, I decided to go to the nearby park to take a stroll and try out my brand-new catapult instead of spending a stultifying time at home.
As I stepped into the park monotonously, a welcoming sight greeted me. Birds were chirping merrily in the azure blue sky and some people were at the park strolling or enjoying themselves at the playground. The air was filled with cheerful chattering of children and I certainly felt a lot more refreshed than when idling my time away at home.
When I was enjoying the serenity and tranquility of the park, a beehive hanging precariously on a branch caught my attention. A mischievous thought flashed through my mind. Why don’t I have a go with my catapult? I took out my catapult which was in my pocket and picked up some stones which were on the grassy ground. I aimed vigilantly at the unstable beehive and was more than ready to shoot when I heard someone shouting. Putting down my catapult, I looked behind and noticed a middle-aged man.
“Hey boy! It’s not right to provoke the bees! You would get stung by them!” he exclaimed with his ear-piercing voice. Busy body! I thought. It’s none of your business, you interferer!
I tried my best to ignore him and aimed cautiously at the beehive. I shoot the beehive with my catapult and the stone flew at a breakneck speed towards it. It landed right in the middle of the beehive. Perfect shot! Just as I was feeling very ecstatic and rapturous, I heard an audible buzzing sound. I turned around and caught sight of an infuriated swarm of bees charging towards me. I was appalled and my heart almost leapt out of my mouth. At the moment, there was chaos and pandemonium. Everyone darted away from the scene and shrieked hysterically at their top of their voices. Panic-stricken, I careered away from the bees. As I looked behind, the bees were still chasing me relentlessly.
“HELP!” I shouted frenziedly, hoping someone would save me. But everyone was too petrified to even move an inch. I ran and ran speedily when suddenly, I stumbled over a fallen tree trunk and fractured my leg. The incensed bees took the chance and stung me all over my body. The pain was so agonizing that I was knocked unconscious. The man who had warned me not to attack the bees promptly dialed the ambulance. The ambulance arrived in the nick of time and I was sent to the hospital.
When I woke up, my parents were sitting beside me and I saw a cast on my leg. My parents reprimanded me for being playful and provoke the bees. I apologised and vowed wholeheartedly to change over a new leaf.
From this traumatic incident, I learnt not to provoke the bees again.
Who is skybladerwe?
By the way, my comments is that this person has some grammar and tenses mistake and some of his puctuation is wrong too.
A composition should be in past tense but this person wrote some present tense.
That's all i have to say.
p.s. By the way I think this person is from Brainy kids!!!
“Ouch!” my father moaned in pain as he tried to move his arm, he was at home recovering from his injury my heart hurts as I watch him in pain. “Why oh why was I so mischievous? It all started last Sunday, the red hot sun was spreading the warmth to everywhere. I decided to go play in the park.
When I reached there, it was crowded and joys of laughter were heard. I squeezed myself out of the crowd and into a more peaceful place by pushing each other aside. I looked around thinking of what to play, a golden yet a bit brown beehive caught my attention, my mischievousness got the better me as I put my hand into my pocket and pull out a catapult. I picked up a flat stone and put it in between on the rubber and I pulled the rubber backed preparing to shoot but not knowing the consequences just at that moment my father came running towards me yelling “stop!” Too late I let go…my father must have come to take me home for dinner.
Everything turn to slow motion, as the stone was heading towards the beehive, my father was running towards me with a worried look and was screaming” Run! “But I did not hear him. As the stone hit the beehive my father grabbed my hand and started to pull me. Angry bees came buzzing out and was heading for us! The bees flew in a lightning speed. My father realising it was too late, used his body to protect me he was liked hugging me but in a more painful way. He pushed me and shouted run. I ran oh how I ran my heart ach as I left him behind. When I looked back I saw my father jumped into a pond, the bees soon flew away. My father raised his head with a gasp and walked to land, he collapsed when he reached. I ran back hot tears were flowing down my cheeks. I buried my head on him. A passer by saw what had happened and called the ambulance.
I did a terrible mistake but I was not the one being punished yet my heart hurts. I paid a dreadful price for what I had done. I should have thought of the consequences before I do something like a Chinese saying; think thrice before doing things.
Siow Jia Wen (36)
I surveyed my room.I was bored of my possessions.There was nothing I could do. "Come on,Nick, think of something fun!""I could shoot something,but what is the something?"I thought."I could hit something challenging!" An excitement rolled over me in waves.I have an idea... ...
"Mum,can I go out?""Where?"she asked,opening her weary eyes."Err to my friend's place to do a project,"I lied,with my heart thumping furiously."Well,ok!"she replied.
I sneaked back into my room stealthily and grabbed my catapult."Mum, I am ready!"
"Why do you take a catapult for when you are discussing a project?"she asked inquisitively
.My heart sank.Just then, she asked me "Is the project about catapults?""Err...ya,ya" I stammered over my words."So, bye darling" she said, giving me a kiss on each side of my cheek.
I scrambled to my feet and ran off.A weird feeling of being a liar besetted me.
I walked leisurely into the entrance of the park,looking out for trees with beehives."There's one!" I shouted.
I dug my hands deep into my pocket and fished out a pebble.I aimed and released,off it went,soaring up high in the air and hited the hive.
Seconds later, buzzing sound of angry bees became louder,as it advance towards me."Jump into the nearest lake" a passer-by told me.I took his advice. With the angry swarm of bees behind me,I inhaled lots of air and flung myself away from the ground, landing into the lake."Splosh!" I held my breathe underwater.
The few seconds seemed like hours."You can get out of the water now, the bees are gone,"the same passer-by told me. I got up from the lake ,drenched from head to toe." May I know where is your parents?" "At...home...AH CHOO!" I sneezed."Seems like you have got a cold ,"he said.
"Then what is your parents phone number?" he asked.I told him and that was how I landed into trouble.
"Nick!"My mum screamed.I was there in front of her, sneezing.
A tingling sensation ran down my spine."You lied to me!Serves you right for getting a cold" she nagged.
I learnt that lying is really a bad thing.It is all negative.It only has a positive point which is white lie,lying is perhaps a crime to me.
Hui ying , your compo have a variety of vocabulary and good phrases.Bad things is that you seems to always start your compo with flashback.Try to use another way.
In the afternoon, I went to the playground in the park to play with my neighbours. When I got to the playground, the air was already filled with cheerful chattering of children and was serene. After an hour, I let out my place for other's to play. I rested for a while and saw one boy holding a catapult with another small boy.
I was wondering what they were trying to do when the small boy picked up lots of stones. When I saw the big boy aiming at something, something caught my eye! The gigantic beehive! I ran for my life instead of telling them to stop it.
The first shot missed and dropped on the grass. A man saw it and tried to stop them but he could not. He tried to make sure that everyone including the small boy was out of the place but he had forgotten about the old man behind the tree. The second shot both of the boys shot did not drop on the grass and hit the beehive. The gasps of the children filled the air which replaced the cheerful chattering sounds.
Buzzing sounds came out of the beehive and the angry swarm of bees chased the big boy relentlessly. The old man felt weird when he heard the buzzing sound. He saw the bees and was shocked. He ran for his life even though he knew he could not escape from the bees. Luckily the bees did not attack him.
The boy shouted, "Help! Help!" The boy ran round and round the park and finally he could not run anymore. He fainted into the pond but his legs did not get in that fast enough. I immediately called the ambulance just in case something happens. So the bees managed to sting him and his legs fell into the pond. Immediately after that, he woke up. The bees returned to the gigantic beehive. He felt sharp, stinging pain on his legs. He managed to float up and shouted for help. The man who tried to stop him saved him. By the time, the ambulance came. He was sent to hospital.
This story tells us that we must not be too playful or we would get more hurt then the fun that made us injured.
One morning, I was walking towards the park with my catapult in my hand. I was walking around the park looking for things to shoot at with my catapult. At first, I saw a bird’s nest on one side of a tree, on the other side of the tree, I saw a beehive. I decided to shoot the beehive as I wanted to challenge myself.
I picked up a stone from the ground to hit the beehive. As I was aiming at the beehive, a middle aged man warned me to not shoot at it but it was all too late. As the stone hit the beehive, it fell to the ground and out came an angry swarm of bees. The man soon realised that it was too late. As I was running around the park trying to avoid the bees, the man told me to jump into a pond just beside me.
Without hesitation, I did as the man told me to. The moment the bees saw me go in the pond, they went to another tree to build their new home. I came out of the pond puffing and panting. The man asked me where my parents were and I told him.
He sent me back home and that was when my mum found out that I have been mischievous. My mum thanked him and as soon as he left, she told me off. I vow never again in my whole life to not let mischievous get the better of me.
The Sun shone brilliantly and the sky was clear blue. Alan and his father, Mr Lim went to the park near their house. The park was feel with peals of laughter.Both Alan and Mr Lim were there for their morning jog. After jogging, Mr Lim ordered Alan to stay at the playground while he went to buy drinks.
Alanwas a cheeky boy and he turned a deaf ear to what his father said. He went around looking for things to play. Suddenly, something unusual caught his eyes. He saw a beehive hanging on a tree. Bad thought filled his mind. “Shall I shoot the beehive? What should I use? “
At last, Alan decided to shoot the beehive with his presious catapult. He found some stones under the tree and he used them to shoot . He put the stone on the elastic band and pull it.
“Stop it! Alan, Stop!” shouted Mr Lim at the top of his voice but it was too late. Alan let go of the band and the stone flew towards the beehive. The stone hitted the beehive and the beehive dropped on the ground.
A swarm of angry bees flew out and charged towards Alan. Alan wanted to ran but he was rooted to the ground.
“AH!!!!!” Alan screamed the bee’s sting went through his skin.
Some children were also stung by the bees and tears started pouring down their cheeks. Some parents called the ambulance. After what seem like ages, Tha ambulance arrived. The paramedics used the stretcher to carry the injured children up the ambulance.The ambulance zoomed off to the nearby hospital.
The parents of other children and reprimanded Alan for being playful. Alan promised not to cheeky again. It was a terrifying experience experience for him and he learn not to be playful again.
Yan Lin your composition is great.
it is very interesting.
Comments of Jia Wen's compo:
Great composition you got there, JW! It's different from the usual compositions where the person who got is injured is the author. But in yours, the person injured is actually the author's father. But there are some minor errors and try to use more interesting words, and your composition would be more exciting. :D
Comments of Jia Yun compo:
JY, your composition is great and there are ( i think) not a lot of mistakes. Is just that did you sort of "copy" some of our good phrases and words? o.O
That's all for now! :) Have a nice day!
PS JASPER THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I AM USING FLASH BACK IN MY IDIVIDUAL COMPOSITION!!!!!!!!!!!
The mischievous boy
The sky was clear blue and fluffy white clouds hung in clusters. The park was filled with greenery. The people in there were enjoying themselves.
“Stop!” a man shouted. The people’s attentions were on the man. He came running towards a fat boy with catapult aiming towards a beehive on a tree. Beside the fat boy was another boy with a lollipop.
The fat boy ignored the man and started to shoot the beehive with the catapult. In a few seconds, the stone flew towards the beehive. A woman with an infant was looking at the ft boy in surprise.
It was too late for the man who came shouting. The stone hit the beehive as the fat boy expected. But something happened strange. The stone then fell on an old man who was sitting on a bench beside the tree where the beehive is.
The old man did not notice the stone and was hit by it on his head. The boy was shocked. His aim was not the old man. The man who was running towards the fat boy scolded the fat boy.
“Oliver! Look what have you done. Because of your mischievousness, you have hit an old man! You have also hit a beehive! You know what will happen if you hit a beehive?” Scolded the man.
Suddenly, the old man fainted and the bees from the beehive started to charge at Oliver, the fat boy. The man who scolded Oliver was his father, Mr. Ronald.
Oliver’s heart pounded fiercely. He did not know what to do. Mr. Ronald got worried too. Being helpless to Oliver, he called the ambulance to at least save the old man.
Without a proper decision, Oliver started to run for his life. Then, he tripped over a stone and fell into the pond. Finally, the bees left him unscathed.
At the next moment the ambulance arrived and brought the old man to the hospital. Then Oliver was running towards Mr. Ronald. His eyes sparkled with tears of joy when he saw his son, Oliver, alive.
Then, Mr. Ronald and Oliver hurried to the hospital. But their luck turned to their worst. One of the bystanders from the park called the police and informed about Oliver.
When Oliver and his father were at the hospital, they got help from the old man who was then cured and so they called his relatives.
In a few minutes, the old man’s relatives came running towards the old man but to Mr. Ronald’s surprise, there were also police coming towards them.
After knowing how the police arrived, Mr. Ronald was ready to handle the situation. He told the police that the stone fell on the old man accidentally.
But the police told them that Oliver had hit a beehive in the park. Without having any choices, Mr. Ronald gave up. The police arrested Oliver.
Oliver was shocked as he has never faced such a situation in his live. Then Oliver learnt a lesson that even small problems could make a big problem.
(Words 508)
The Unforgettable Incident
I hear sobbing and cries of people at my grandfather’s funeral. Memories of the incident flooded through my mind. If my neighbour, Andy, did not do a thing such as that this would not have happened.
I went to the park with my grandfather and younger brother, Aidan, yesterday morning. The sun shone bright with all his might. The air filled with cheerful chattering of children. Aidan and I were playing at the see-saw while our grandfather was reading the Saturday newspaper. The park was also bustling with lots of activities.
I saw Andy and his younger brother, Alan. “Hello, how are you doing?” I asked. “I am fine, thank you.” Andy replied. Later Aidan and I went back to play. Alan was sucking his lollipop. Andy brought Alan to a tree. There was a beehive at the top branch of the tree.
Andy fished out a catapult out of his pocket. He took a stone from the ground and held it at his catapult. Then, he aimed at the beehive. I could not do anything but stared at him with horror. What am I supposed to do? What will happen when the stone hit the beehive? So many questions raced through my mind.
My brother shouted at the top of his voice. “STOP IT!!!” Upon hearing the shout, the security guard came and saw what Andy was doing. He too tried shouting at him. But it was too late. Andy already let go off the stone and in seconds a gigantic swarm of angry bees came buzzing out of the hive.
It chased Andy relentlessly. Not aware of what to do next he jumped into the pond. He held his breath under the water. The others in the park ran out of the park including me and Aidan. Later then, that I realise that my grandfather was still hobbling towards the gate. The bees were hovering above the water surface. They later took charge on my grandfather. Before we can do anything, my grandfather had stings.
After the bees had gone away, we rushed my grandfather and Andy who was soaking wet to the hospital. At the hospital my grandfather was pronounced dead because he was allergic to bees and had a lot of stings. Andy, however, was running temperature.
Andy was in the BOY’s home for being cruel to animals and indirectly killing a person. Here I am in grandfather’s funeral. I understand that a small mischievous can lead to big things such as that.
Done by:
Jariah (Binte) Abdul Nassar(12)
Primary-5A
I would like to say something about Jia Yun's Compo. It was nice and great with very good words and phrases. But I thought that she could have describe ore about the people and the activities in the park. That's all what I have to say.
Thank You!!!
:D
I read huiying's composition and there were many good words and phrases. Nothing to complain about. ( I think so.)
Devious Andrew
“Ring…”Andrew stirred as the alarm clock rang shrilly. He woke up immediately and started to get ready for his usual morning jog. The outline of the rising sun blurred as the bright yellow blended with the white clouds. As Andrew stepped out of his parent’s apartment, his eyes locked onto a catapult beside his potted plants. He flew down the flight of steps and picked it up and finally decided to take it with him.
Andrew jogged to the park with a sudden surge of enthusiasm and reached there in no time. He glanced around the park and sighed when he saw that there were already two children giggling with obvious delight as they played on the seesaw. The grey cobblestones paved a narrow, meandering path trough the lush greenery, there was also a pond filled with glittering water and life. Suddenly, Andrew caught a glimpse of some birds in their nest and heard them chirping melodiously.
“I could use my catapult to shoot down the bird’s nest and catch some and bring them home.” He thought. He then tried to execute this devious plan. Andrew picked up a blunt stone from the ground. A young boy licking a lollipop with sheer bliss decided to stand behind Andrew to watch. When his father saw that, he raced over, and pointed at the hive and bellowed, “STAY AWAY FROM THAT HIVE!”
Andrew ignored him and released the stone. Instead of hitting his target, the bird’s nest, the stone landed smack on the beehive and it fell on the soil. The black and yellow insects that zoomed out were too big to be bees and were wasps. Andrew’s face blanched and his heart was slamming against his ribs. He shrieked with sheer terror, tore off and jumped into the pond. Everyone within the park followed suit and hoped to escape the infuriated wasps buzzing above the water.
Andrew was unable to hold his breath any longer and he leaped out of the pond. To the delight of the wasps, they stung him incessantly. He could not withstand the sharp, stinging pain as it was too excruciating and eventually fainted for to much blood loss. When he woke up, he found his parents sitting beside him in the hospital ward. They were so relieved that they could not stop sobbing. They explained that a helpful sanitarian had called the ambulance and he was brought to the hospital.
From this traumatic incident, Andrew learnt to think of the consequences before attempting to do something. The park was closed all because of his mischievousness. Andrew learnt his lesson the hard way and will never forget it as his injuries will always remind him.
Done by: Low Yan Lin
Ebelle, I understand that you are trying to use good phrases. You have also chosen some very reasonable phrases. But I think you should focus on developing your story more and try not to make careless mistakes with your spelling and tenses. You can develop your story more by asking yourself the what, who, how, where,who and when. You can also try to use your imagination and think of how you could make your story more interesting by adding exciting parts and developing the problems.
The result of my playfulness
"Ow..." I groaned in pain as I was getting up to stretch my body after I lay on the hospital bed for about two days covered in bandage since I was admitted into the hospital. As I felt the agonizing pain in my leg, those miserable memories of the awful event kept flashed through my mind constantly...
" What a dull day! Nothing interest me at all, " I exclaimed as I looked around in my room to find a game that was suitable and entertaining enough to occupy my day. In the corner of my eye, I was thrilled to see the catapult that my aunt bought me a few months ago as my birthday present. I decided to go to the nearby park which was just a stone's throw away to try out.
Not long after when I reached the park, a serene weather greeted me politely and it was a breathtaking sight to see children playing. The air was filled with cheerful chattering of children and birds were chirping merrily on the tree. " It was surely better than wasting my time at home! " I thought. Looking around the park for a object for me to shoot, a yellow beehive on the tree caught my attention and I picked up a stone lying on the green grass and aimed at it. When I was going to let go of the string, not far away I heard someone shouting " Hey! Don't provoke the bees, they are not good to be trifled with! " I turned around and I saw a teenager running towards me. " It's none of your business, busybody! " I thought.
I ignored his advice and aimed at the target again. I pulled the string as far as I could and let it go. The stone flew swiftly towards it. " What a flawless shoot! " I thought to myself. I was on cloud nine then. Unexpectedly, a wild buzzing noise broke out and the gigantic swarm of angry bees charged towards me. My heart thumped wildly and a wave of panic swept over me. At that moment, pandemonium broke out in the park, everyone was running in all direction for fear of being stung by the bees. I ran as fast as my legs could carry me. A middle - aged man reading a newspaper sitting beside the tree witnessed the incident but he did not panic, he held my hands and jumped into the pond nearby and told me that I could only get up when the bees were gone. As I was not a good swimmer, I could not hold my breath under the water too long. I jumped out of the pond and ran with all my might. I was looking to the back to see if the bees had caught up with me as well as running forward to escape. Abruptly, I tripped over a stone and fell down. The bees took advantage of this chance and stung me. It was so pain that I could not even shout to get help. The middle- aged man called the ambulance immediately.
The ambulance arrived in a jiffy and I was sent to the hospital. When I woke up, the sharp, stinging pain was still there and the doctor told me that my leg was fractured and swollen. My parents were sitting beside me and were seething with anger. They reprimanded me for being playful and went to mess with the bees. I felt bad and regretted for doing so. I swore that I will never mess with the bees again. I apologized and decided to change over a new leaf.
From this incident, I learnt that bees was really not good to be trifled with just like what the teenager said to me and I regretted not listening to his advice. In chinese, there was a saying " If you do not listen to advice given by the elderly or adults, you will have a disadvantage of the particular situation." Now, I totally understood what this saying really means.
Done by : Ng shi rui (29)
Primary 5a 13/9/08
Is the past tense of hit " hited or hitted" there is no such word as hited or hitted, right?
As far as I know, 2 person made this mistake...
“Mom! I’m going to the park for a while. Then, I will come back for lunch.” I said to my mom. I was going to the park to try out the catapult I made. I had learnt how to make a catapult by reading a book from the library that taught me how to make a catapult. The catapult I made was made of paper and a rubber band. And today, I was going to test it. So, I went to the nearby park.
The park was a few blocks away from my flat. The first thing I had to do was find some stones that I could fire with. I finally found some stones near a tree after ten minutes. They were actually used for decoration near a signboard in the park. But I thought it was fine to take them. I chose ten of the stones that my catapult could fire with. After that, I decided to test my catapult out.
I thought that the pond in the park would be an ideal place to test my catapult so I went there. I got ready a stone and I aim it into the pond. The first shot flew and it landed in the water. Yes! I thought. My catapult was a success. But that did not mean anything.
“Hey!” I thought. “Maybe I could fire the stones at the ducks.” I knew it was a bad idea, but I needed the ducks for target practice. So, I fired at the ducks. But I missed them all. So, I was left with only three stones.
I thought that the ducks were too difficult to aim at so I went away from the pond, searching for a new target. Suddenly, a bee hive caught the corner of my eye. It was quite large and it was easy to aim at. I knew it would be dangerous but I could not resist the temptation. It would be thrilling to me. So I decided that the bee hive would be my next target.
I stood below the tree and I took my aim. I was going to fire the three stones successively. There was a boy eating a lollipop behind eating a lollipop. I ignored him. There was also a man running towards me. I knew he was trying to prevent me from shooting at the bee hive. But he was not going to stop me. I quickly aimed and I fired the three shot.
The first shot went wide and it hit an old man sitting on a bench reading a newspaper. He looked around to see who did it but surprisingly, he did not see me. He continued reading the newspaper after that. The second stone hit a nest. The nest had three baby birds in it and the nest fell from the tree. Finally the third one hit the hive with such tremendous force that it knocked the hive down to the floor.
I laughed at the sight of the fallen hive but after a while, a huge swarm of bees flew out of the hive. I quickly ran away when I saw the bees. They were terrifying, and I looked back to see them chasing me. I knew that bees were afraid of water so I ran for the pond. Just as I was just about to reached the pond. The bees caught up with me and they stung me. I reached the pond and jumped into the pond.
I held my breath while I was underwater, praying that the bees would go away. And after ten seconds which felt to me like ten minutes, the bees flew away. I swam to the surface and got out of the pond. The man who had been warning me a moment ago helped me out. By then, there was a huge crowd gathered there.
The man brought me to the hospital for examination. The doctor said that I had to be admitted to the hospital because I had been stung by the bees too many times. I spent three days at the hospital, suffering fro the sharp stinging pain. I vowed never to do that again in my life, because I regretted doing that thing I did.
To Joseph:
Your story is okay, with some interesting parts, but you repeat some words and phrases. There are also some words that are inappropriate.You should take your time to also check and read it from the reader's point of view. I dun think this is your best work, but overall, a nice story!
Attack of the Angry Bees!
It all started on a fine, windy, Sunday. I was bored to death at home. I had neither homework nor anyone to play with. So, I went to the storeroom to look for anything I could play with. Then, at the corner of my eye, I saw a dusty, old slingshot. Suddenly, I remembered that my late great grandfather give that to me on my fifth birthday! I then took it out from an old and musty box and tested the flexibility of the elastic band. After finding out that it was as good as new, I then called out to my mum, who was reading a magazine, “Mom! I am going out to the nearby park! I won’t be long!” My mom agreed, so I went to the park, wondering what I could shoot with my slingshot.
When I reached the park was serenity and tranquil. The birds were chirping a happy tune, some children were playing happily at the nearby playground, and also some were just there to admire the view. I then went scouting around the park for something to shoot. I first caught sight of a pigeon. I then quietly hid behind the bush. I then picked up a rock and loaded it. Then, at the very second the bird was as still as a rock, I quickly let go of the band and pong! It landed on the ground centimetres away from the pigeon, scaring it, causing it to take flight. I was simply amused at the sight of the bird flying away, being scared of me. I was also for some reason felt accomplished for doing such a thing. I then went around, shooting every bird and any other small critter I could catch sight of. It was fun and amusing, but after a while, it did get a little boring as all the animals were so scared of me that none of them even fought back. So I wanted a bit more of a challenge then just shooting puny animals. I then caught sight of a beehive stuck up in a tree in front of a bird’s nest. Then a thought came across my mind. I could play a small game. I can choose to hit the nest, the hive, or both. If I hit both, it would be my greatest accomplishment I ever had that whole afternoon! So I took a smooth, oval-shaped pebble from the edge of a small turtle and fish pond. I then loaded the pebble and took my aim. The tension was as thick as peanut butter. As I slowly stretched the elastic band, oblivious to the danger of what I was about to do. Then, one middle-aged man ran to me and shouted, “No, kid! A lot of kids like you tried to shoot the bee hive and got to a horrible end! I would not do that if I were you.”
“Don’t worry, uncle. I am a fast runner. I can escape those bees. Besides, I don’t even think that there are any bees there.” I calmly replied. Then, as I was about to let go of the band, the tension rose further. Then the pebble tossed itself and was spinning in the air. That was the only time I realised that I was in grave danger. But there was nothing I could do. When the pebble hit the hive, the hive was shaking and vibrating like a rattle. Then it hit the grass below. The very next split second, a black smoke rushed out with a “buzz!” noise. They then chased me and I ran as fast as my legs could carry me. After a while, my luck changed or the worse, as I accidentally tripped over a stone and I fell to the ground. The swarm of angry bees went closer and closer to me, like a gigantic monster. But just as I thought I was a goner, the same man appeared in front of me and shielded me, while picking me up and trying to run away. I closed my eyes and braced myself as the man carried me. I then heard a scream and I could not see anything...
“Marcus! Marcus! Please wake up!” My dad’s voice echoed in my head. I then opened my eyes slowly. Then I saw my parents and a nurse standing around me. The nurse said that I would have to stay in the hospital until they were sure that I was well enough to be discharged. The man, on the other hand, was also in the hospital as he took a lot of stings from the bees while trying to shield me. I then lay in my bed, trying to rest...
I was discharged two days later. I am now okay, but I have a phobia of bees. I learnt not to mess with Mother Nature as she has a painful way to teach a lesson to anyone.
By: Kristian Lee E. Pineda
The Bee Incident
“Bring me to the park pleaseeeeeee!” I exclaimed, wanting my brother to bring me down to the park since I was terribly bored ,cooping in the house all day long.
“All right. Just stop begging. I’ll bring you down,” my brother replied, feeling annoyed by my begging.
Once I heard that he would bring me down , I jumped for joy. When we reached the park, the sun was shining very brightly and the air was filled with cheerful chattering of children. We sat on the see-saw and what I saw was my playful neighbour, Sam, below a tree. From what I know of him , he was always looking for trouble and never once learnt his mistakes.
He was holding a catapult tightly and he put a stone in the rubber part. What he was aiming at was a beehive! My mouth was agape as I knew the danger of the bees’ stings. I wanted to stop him but no words could come out from my mouth. Just then a young man who had seen what Sam was doing , rushed to stop him.
But Sam just turned a deaf ear on him. Sam aimed at the beehive and “PENG!”. The stone had hit the beehive but no bees had buzzed out. “See? It’s nothing dangerous. Only cowards wont dare to do this,” Sam boasted about his courage. But unexpectedly , an angry swarm of bees buzzed out of the beehive and charged towards Sam. Sam , who was too shocked and terrified, had no idea what to do so he just laid on the floor , praying that the bees would not harm him.
“Jump into the pond !” the young man shouted but it was too late. The bees had Sam’s body all surrounded and he was groaning in pain. Everyone wanted to help but no one dared to offend the bees so we waited until the bees got tired of him. After several minutes, the bees eventually went back to their hive. What was left for Sam was red spots will the stings all over his body . He was crying in pain and we brought him to the hospital immediately.
The next day , I went to visit him to the hospital and he told me that he had to stay under observation for several weeks as his stings were quite serious. He was feeling very regretful for what he had done and promised not to do these dangerous things again. I guess that was his first time promising to learn his mistakes.
i lay on the hospital bed with my body covered with wounds. Looking at my father and mother reprimanding my brother with a towel wrapped around him, i reflected back what happened just now...
It was a boring Sunday at home and me and my brother wear begging our father to bring us out. In the end, my father decided to go to the park to have a picnic. Although my brother and I wanted to go to the amusement park, we jumped for joy because at least we don't need to stay at home.
When we reached, our father asked us to go to the playground for ten minutes while he and my mum have a time on thier own setting up the picnic.My brother and I reluctanly agreed and we walked to the playground. The playground was filled with children and we didn't have a chance to play anything. My brother then walked me to a side, where there was a big tree.
I saw baby birds on a nest and a yellow thing with bees flying around it. I didn't know what the yellow thing was, so i didn't care and carried on eating my lollipop which my mum brought. I guessed my brother had already noticed the yellow thing because i saw him looking at it curiously. Out of nowhere, my brother picked up a stone and tooked out a catapult out from his pocket. By then, my father went to the playground and couldn't find us. He then saw us at the side, and my brother and my brother going to use the stone and the catapult to shoot the yellow thing on the tree. My father ran to my brother shouting "NO!" , but it was too late, my brother already shot the stone to the yellow thing.
An angry swarm of bees came our of the yellow thing and mm father shouted to my brother to ask him to run into te pond. I didn't know why my brother wad running, but the very next second, my body was filled with sharp, stinging pain. Unable to tolerate the pain, I dropped down but kept my eyes open. The people in the park began to call the police and ambulance. Without knowing why,the bees went back to the yellow thing and i saw alot of people, including my father, mother and brother running to me. After that, I closed my eyes and went to sleep.
When I woke up at the hospital a few hours after, I saw my brother, mother and father. My brother then apologised to me for his naughty doing and getting me hurt. I forgave him and learnt a lesson from my brother, is to keep away from yellow things on the tree.
Soh Wan Fang 37
I still remembered the day that I was in the park. I still remembered the day when the little boy cried when he was stung by the bees. I would never forget the incident which had caused much commotion. The terrible memories flooded through my mind…
It was a calm and serene day. The sun hung in the sky like a great, huge, giant ball. I was sitting on a bench reading my newspaper. The air was filled with the cheerful chattering of children. The chirping of the new-born birds could be heard. A boy wearing a bright orange cap was playing with a catapult. A little boy beside him was watching him.
The boy started aiming at a beehive with a stone, but the stone did not hit the beehive. He tried and tried but did not succeed. He decided to give it a last try. Just then, a man came running towards them.
“Hey! Stop it!” he shouted anxiously, but it was too late.
“Bang!” The stone hit the beehive! The beehive dropped to the ground and angry swarm of bees charged towards the boy. The little boy who was watching him ran away and hugged the man running towards them tightly. The boy had no choice but to run away from the bees.
“Help! Get the bees away from me!” he screamed, frightened.
I was shocked but did not know what to do. I just sat there like a statue. Children screamed hysterically and a little baby was crying loudly. The bees chased the boy relentlessly. After a while of chasing, he was out of breath and stopped. The bees started to sting him.
“Ouch! It is so painful!” he bellowed, tears streaming down his cheeks.
He ran towards the duck pond and jumped into it. The adamant bees finally flew away. The boy came out of the pond, wet and tired. He was covered with red little spots. The commotion had also stopped. His father ran towards him and hugged him. Luckily for the boy, his injury was not too bad and did not need to be sent to the hospital.
“Are you alright? Let’s go home,” his father said, patting him on his head.
“I will never disturb the bees again,” he whimpered softly.
I smiled at the memory when the father and son hugged each other. I am glad that the boy had learnt his lesson.
Jasper,you have some good words and phrases but why do you say your mum is opening her weary eyes? You need to be more precise. Can it be more realistic? How can your mum be so stupid to believe that you are going to do a project about catapult?
One Saturday afternoon, I was in my house making a catapult. My younger brother saw me doing it, so he asked me what it was. "John, this is called a catapult," I told him. "It is for throwing stones at something after aiming at it." He was amazed at the catapult and begged me to demonstrate how to use it. So, we set off together to the park to try it out.
We strolled along the path in the park to find a suitable place for using the catapult. The air in the park was filled with cheerful chatering of children. John spotted a beehive on a tree and tugged at my shirt. "Brother! Brother! Let's hit the roundish yellow thing!" I thought that was a good idea as it was a good target to aim at. So, without thinking, I picked up a pebble, raised the catapult, aimed at the beehive and...
"Stop, boy, stop!"a voice boomed behind me. A tall and muscular young man was running towards me and John, trying to stop me from hitting the beehive with the catapult. But, unfortunately, it was too late. The pebble flew out of the catapult and went soaring across the sky, landing with a 'thump'on the yellow sphere. An angry swarm of bees rushed out of the broken beehive and darted towards my direction. I screamed in fright while the gigantic swarm of furious creatures chased me relentlessly. I turned left and ran past the beehive, past an old man looking at the newspaper and, without hestitate, jumped right into the pond nearby with an enormous splash.
After holding my breath and staying in the water for a few seconds, I finally bobbed out of the water as i had ran out of oxygen, hoping that the bees were gone. I was wrong. One of the bees was still there and stung me after seeing me. The sharp, stinging pain made me shout out loud and drop back into the water. The old man reading the newspaper and the tallvand muscular young man rushed to me and helped me out. John was crying in fear. My mind went blank and I fainted...
I woke up a few hours later in my bed in my bedroom. My parents were sitting beside me, looking at me anxiously. When they discovered that I finally woke up, they shouted with joy and told me that an old man and a young man rescued me and brought me back here with help from John. I was thankful to them and I promised my parents and myself: do not ever be mischievous again like trying to attack a beehive. In other words, I have learnt from this incident that having self-disciplene is important.
Lin Meng Ju
I looked at the stings on my hand face and body as i remember the incident in the park last sunday.
It was a warm humid afternoon,asnd i lay on my bed lazily as i wondered what can i do to get rid of this heat. I looked inside my cupboard and a catapult fell out. I remembered that the catapult was from my best friend John, but i never got a chance to use it as my mother said that it was too dangerous to play with it in the house. since i had nothing to do in the house,i took the catapult out into our neibourhood park.
I strolled around looking for something to shoot. My sharp eyes scanned the park. The park was quite empty as it is a weekday. I finally saw a beehive. a mischievous idea came into my head. i picked up a pebble from the ground and aimed at the beehive and shot at it. I did not notice a man running towards me and shounting someting. 'Bulls eye! It's a direct hit!' i shouted in joy. The bee hive rocked to and fro and a few minutes later, a swarm of angry bees flew towards me. I dropped my catapult and ran away screaming.
The bees started chasing me relentless and sharp stinging pain was felt all over my body. I quickly jumped into the nearest pond. When i am positive that i am going to die due to lack of oxygen, I scrambled out of the pond,chocking.
On my way home, I could felt people's curious stares looking at me. When I reached home, I told my mother the whole story. She sighed and put on some oniment on me.
I learnt that what ever we do, we must think twice before doing it.
comments on jasper's composition: good words and phrases but i am not very sure if there is such word as'hited'.and if the bees are chasing you, how can you possibly have any time to stop and listen to a passer-by?
To Kristian:
Your compo was filled lots
of interesting words. those
words described the situation
very well. But from your
weak point, you wrote to many
things that were not from the
picture. So i think you could
improve on that.
from
RIAZ
Whenever I go to the park, I recalled vividly about an incident that happened some months ago. I was one of the witnesses of the incident.
One evening a few months ago, my mother and I were strolling in the nearby park as usual after dinner. I was licking my chocolate flavour lollipop along the way and thinking that it was just another normal day. The park was full of senior citizens, adults and children like me. Flowers were blooming, ducks were swimming, birds were chirping and children were playing, the garden was always full of activities in the evening.
As my mother and I were strolling peacefully near the duck pond, we met our neighbour, Madam Tan, and the two adults started chatting happily. Just then, I saw a boy not much bigger then me holding a catapult. Soon, my curiosity, about what the boy was going to do next, got the better of me and I walked towards him. He pulled the string of his weapon with all his might and aimed at a beehive which was hanging on a tree. A guy, whom I believed to be his father, tried to stop him but was too late.
“Hoop!” The string was let go and the stone hit the target.
The beehive dropped onto the ground and a big swarm of bees flew out. Another swarm followed and started attacking the culprit and others who were around. When my mother first noticed the swarm, she immediately scooped me off the ground and ran as fast as her legs could carry her. Then when she noticed that the swarm was no longer chasing her, she stopped to look; still carrying me tightly in her arms in case she might needed to run again. Other witnesses at the scene also hurried away. The culprit had a swarm of bees hot on his heels and he had already been stung by some of them. The father ran behind him, trying to catch up. To escape the swarm’s attack, he dived into the duck pond nearby and held his breath under the water surface. Soon, the swarm flew away. The culprit immediately went out of the water and took a deep breath.
Through this incident, the boy learnt his lesson and promised never to be so playful again. All the witnesses, including me, also learned that one will receive a punishment, if he or she had done something wrong.
Done by: Chee Pei Fen
Ebelle, it has a very great content but there are a lot of grammar and spelling errors. You should develop your story further and be more careful in future. (Pei Fen)
It was a hot and humid Saturday morning. My mother decided to bring me to the park as she knew that I was bored at home. Many people were at the park and the air was filled with cheerful chattering of children. A bird nest was on the tree and the birds in it was chirping happily. I saw my best friend, John and he asked me to play with him at the see-saw. I even saw John’s grandfather sitting at the bench reading the newspaper.
While we were playing, John suddenly looked very shocked and I immediately turned my head . To my horror, our class bully, David was using a catapult to try and hit a beehive on the tree. His little brother was behind him and he was eating a lollipop. I was afraid that his little brother might got sting by the bees if David hit the beehive. Suddenly, I heard a man shouting “Hey! Stop! Don’t hit the......” It was already too late, an angry swarm of bees came out from the beehive and was chasing David relentlessly.
David ran as fast as his feet could carry him. As he was running, he saw a pond and he remembered that his teacher told him to jumped into a place full of water if bees were chasing him. So he immediately jumped into the pond and stayed there until the bees had gone away.
David’s mother and the man who shouted at him helped him out of the pond and his mother screamed when she saw David’s face. His face was stung by the gigantic bees and he was immediately sent to the nearest hospital for medical treatment.
Me and John went to see David when we have time and we even helped him with his homework. He was extrmely grateful and thanked me and John for our help.
To skybladerwe:
I like some of your phrases but i can't help noticing something, why are there only 2 paragraphs?
“Can you bring me to the playground at the park, please?” My younger sister asked tugging at my hand and looking at me with eager eyes, “Please?”
I was getting irritated. She had asked me the same question thrice. I reluctantly agreed. I tried to cheer myself up and mumbled under my breath, “Playing at the playground is definitely a much better way to kill time than pacing up and down the house.
My sister and I walked casually to the park that was a stone’s throw away. The sun was scorching hot and beads of perspiration were trickling down my forehead. The air was filled with cheerful chattering of children. My sister scurried to the see-saw and asked me to play with her.
Shortly after that, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a plump boy wearing a cap and a younger boy looking at a beehive on the tree. The younger boy had a lollipop, which he popped into his mouth when he was not talking to the plump boy. What worried me and caught my attention was not the beehive but a catapult in the boy’s hand.
The boy picked up a stone from the ground and used the catapult to hit the beehive. The stone soared through the air and hit the hive. A few people including me were staring at him. Just then, a man sprinted towards the boy and shouted, “Jack! Stop what you are doing!” but it was too late. An angry swarm of bees buzzed out of the hive. Everyone fled immediately. The boy with the cap dashed away as fast as his legs could carry him.
Suddenly, he tripped over a stone. The bees stung him and after a while, they buzzed away. I crept slowly back to the playground with my sister darting my eyes left and right to make sure there were no more bees. The boy wearing a cap was groaning in agony. The man who asked him to stop carried him on his back and rushed to the doctor.
From that day onwards, my sister and I saw what could happen if you did not think twice about doing something. We learnt to look before we leap.
Jasper,
You used some good words but the first thing I spotted was a grammar mistake which you made. The past tense of hit is ......hit, not hited. By the way, why did you suddenly think of hitting a beehive? What happened to the passer-by? Why did he tell you to jump into the lake but did not jump into it? You need to develop that part a bit more. Overall, your composition was quite good.
jia yun,skybladerwe is fenyin.by the way,how u know that he is frombrainy kid
Joseph, i thought why vocab is very good?SO next time try to use creative words.Overall the compo was excellent.
Name: Goh Qi Qing
Class: 5A
Date: 11092008
A painful lesson
The sun shone brightly on the hard burnt ground. Sunlight seeped through my room’s window. Awakened by the sunlight, I quickly got out of bed and went to the toilet to change and brush my teeth. It was an ordinary morning like any other and I wanted to go to the nearby park to take a morning jog.
After brushing my teeth, I changed into a white singlet and a pair of sports pants. I then wore my sports shoes, combed my hair and put on a cap. I then slowly jogged my way to the park. The air was filled with cheerful chattering of children and I could see that they were enjoying themselves very much. Beads of perspiration trickled down my forehead as I sighed. I had forgotten to bring my towel again! Sighing, I just continued running while brushing the sweat off with my hands. The sun was glowing at me like a ball of fire. Its prominence was glaring brightly, making the entire sky an alluring orange. I was in the doldrums of doing the daily routine of jogging…
Suddenly, I caught sight of a yellow beehive. It was not really noticeable, but as I went closer towards the tree and peered at the yellow ball, I was sure that it was a beehive. A mischievous thought ran through my head. Since I was monotonous of jogging, why don’t I do something interesting? A little boy eating a lollipop stood behind me, making me feel more encouraged to do something about the beehive. I searched for something in my pocket and… found a catapult!
“Perfect!” I thought. I was thinking of provoking the bees with the catapult. I searched for a stone and found one on the ground. “Great. Let’s do it!” I began to position the stone on the catapult. Grasping the catapult, I made an aim at the beehive. Just as I was about to shoot, a young man came running towards me with an anxious look on his face. His hand was pointing to the beehive. Unfortunately, I did not get his message and he also came too late. The fat was in the fire because the stone had already hit the beehive! And surprisingly, it was right on target! “Bzzzzzzzztt!!!” A gigantic irate swarm of bees came chasing me relentlessly.
“RUN, YOU IDIOT! GET OUT FROM THERE!” the young man shouted to me.
“Who on earth are you calling an idiot?” I rebuked. The bees were getting closer to me without me realizing until one by one, the stung me with their needle-sharp needles. “ARGHHHHHHH!” I screamed in agony. The inflicted pain was just too much for me to bear. I hurriedly ran towards the nearest pond. The once serene bees had now become very irritated, and they did not stop chasing me until I jumped into the water. Fortunately, the moment I got into the sapphire-blue water, the bees instantly flew away. I quickly popped up from the water, unable to hold my breath. However, the moment I got to ground, I fainted…
“Ugh… Where am I?” I muttered softly. I looked around and caught sight of my parents! “Mom! Dad! Where am I?” I asked on tenter hooks.
“Calm down, son! You’re just in hospital. The doctor said that the bee stings you had were poisonous. As such, he’s just given you an injection,” Dad replied, trying to soothe me. “However, the doctor wants to keep you under observation for 3 days. Rest well during this period of time, okay?”
“Oh…Okay…” I sighed in exasperation. It was a painful lesson for me because the bee stings made me feel as though I was being stabbed by a thousand of needles. I learnt not to provoke bees again and to think twice before anything unless I could bear the consequences.
HAHA.
Decided to use idioms this time round. :D
Hope you all enjoy reading it!
P.S I wanted to limit to 500 words, but turns out, I wrote about 600+. Sighs...
Comments:
Hui Ying-
I can see that your vocabulary has improved. Seems like you don't need my help at all because you're just valedictorian :) Your development of the story is also very good. You have described each event slowly one by one, and the method of flashback is sure around your little finger! Keep it up! :D
Celine-
You could try and improve your vocabulary and development of the story. I also found some tenses and punctuation errors. Well, try harder next time! :)
YOU ARE CUTE. :D
Kk good luck for compo kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.
Qiqing,
Your composition has alot of very standard english tones but you do not need to dscribe everything in detail like what you were wearing because its not important ! -.-
Overall i think its good although
several points are not really needed in this composition.
Gambatte back to you ! :)
“Ow !” I yelled when my mother put some ointment on my injured hands and legs. ”Why had I been so foolish just now?” I thought to myself.
It was a beautiful day and the sun was shining brightly in the sky when I went to the park. The air was filled with the cheerful chattering of children as I reached the playground. There were several children joyfully playing on the see-saw and the slide. As I was bored, I took a catapult from my pocket and started collecting stones to shoot at birds circling the park. As I looked around the park I noticed a large beehive hanging from the branches of a gigantic tree in the playground.
I gleefully placed a stone on the rubber band of the catapult and let it fly, just in time to see a man waving and shouting “STOP!’, but it was too late. The man stared in horror as the stone sailed across the leaves and hit the beehive. Suddenly, a huge swarm of angry bees came out of the destroyed beehive and charged towards me like a big and black cloud. I was terrified and was rooted to the spot.
A sharp, stinging pain on my arm made me came back to my senses and I started to run like the wind. I ran until I saw a pond and I leaped into it with a loud splash!
I stayed beneath the water and held my breath until I saw that the bees had gone and I came out of the pond injured and dripping wet. I looked an awful sight when I reached home. My parents were flabbergasted when I went into the living room looking such a terrible sight.
After I had a refreshing bath, I explained to my mother what had happened in the park that morning. I lowered my head in shame when my mother said that it served me right for being so playful and from that day onwards I had never been so playful again.
By: Neo Shaoqi 5A, (27)
Erm, sorry hui ying if i copied u or anything 'coz I didn't read yours before i wrote mine.
Jian Qiu,
u asked me how I knew skybladerwe is from brainy kids right???
OK, first I went to his blog by clicking on his profile. Then i checked his IPW post and found out that his group was doing about the indian monument thingy. Then i went to check my asknlearn mailbox and clicked on the one that mdm suriani sent to us about our groups and what we were to research about for the IPW project. Then I traced back: Brainy Kids-indian monument... So... U noe now how i did it ok???
This is for xxcjqxx . :)
Whenever I looked into the mirror,it would remind me of the accident that happen last weeks.It was a bright and sunny morning.
Tom felt boring.So he decided to go to the near-by park.He brought the catapult which is his favorite toy. when he reached the park, he saw a beehive on a tree.Suddenly, he thought of what to do.He took a few stones from the ground and started shooting at the beehive.A man immediately went forward and try to stop him.Unfortunately,one of the stones hit the beehive and it dropped down.All of the bees that rushed out of the beehive and attacked the people in the park.Luckily,tom dived into a lake beside the park which save him otherwise, he would be stung by the bees even more.The passer by that saw this incident then call the ambulance.
When the ambulance arrived, the paramedics immediately helped tom and the other injured people in the park up to the ambulance and brought them to the hospital to receive treatment.After tom receive treatment, he went to apologize to those people who got injured because of him being playful.He even promised them that he would not do that again.
Tom learn that being playful can cause a lot of trouble.
To skybladerwe
I like as there are many speech which makes it interesting.But there are a lot of error.Perhaps u should check.
jia yun, nice compo you used very good words although i agree with hui ying some of your phrases is the same as hers.
jia wen
"Ah!What a beautiful day!It's perfect to go jogging."I said.I jumped out of bed and dressed myself as quickly as I could.I would not want to go jogging when the sun was out,it was too hot to go then.I walked to the park which was only a stone's throw away.The air was filled with cheerful chattering of children,quacking of ducks and chirping of birds.I did some warm up exercises and began my jog.
Just as I was turning into a track,I noticed a young boy using a catapult to shoot down a beehive which was hanging on a large tree.The boy swiftly fished out a pebble from his pocket and put it on the catapult."Pang!"The pebble hit the tree bark,shaking the tree gently."Tom, stop what you are doing!Do not hit the beehive anymore!"shouted a middle-aged man who was running towards the boy.I guessed that the man was Tom's father.The boy did not took his advice and continued trying to hit the beehive.
Suddenly,a gigantic swarm of bees came buzzing out of the beehive.Passer-bys ran away,children were screaming and in the blink of an eye,everyone scrambled away.All except the man and Tom,both seemed rooted to the ground.The man suddenly rushed towards Tom and they ran as fast as they could away from the swarm of bees.As they ran past,I could roughly see the red and swollen skin on the boy's arms and legs.I felt a sharp,stinging pain on my left leg.I turned my head and found out that the bees were very near me,about half metre.I jumped into the pond nearby and after two minutes whenthe bees felw away,I came out of water andwent home.
On the way home,Isaw the man walking alone.I went up andasked him about Tom.He told me that Tom was his son and he was stung badly by the bees.He also told me Tom's hospital room number .I visited Tom and he told me that he regreted hitting the beehive.
I learnt not to disturb bees because they have stings and it hurts when you when you were being stung.
Wei Heng,
Some words such as:Tom,you didn't put capital letters.What reminds you of the accident?Pls explain!
Good work Wei Heng ,
I like the way you developed your story although there were many grammar and punctuation errors.You must also use more difficult words in the story.
Neo Shaoqi
skybladerwe, you have some grammatical errors. And why was the boy who shot the bees with the catapult still there after one hour?
Wei heng,
there are some errors in your composition
Jasper, is the passer-by the man in the picture? you did not mention him warning you.
To lola,
your composition is great but you have some spelling mistakes. :)
The Beehive
"Ouch.." Andrew groaned in pain as he was reaching out to scratch his leg. The pain was excruciating. As he looked at his swollen leg, memories of the horrible incident flooded through his mind..
He sat on his bed and sighed. He looked around his room but there was nothing that he could do. He was sick of his PSP and computer games and there was nothing interesting showing on television so he decided to go to the park that was just a stone's throw from his house. On his way to the park, he bought a bag of chips from a shop nearby. The air was filled with the cheerful chattering of children when he reached there. He went to the playground but it was filled with children so he didn't have the chance to play. He went to a nearby bench to sit and watched the children play. After he got bored of watching, he opened his bag to take out the bag of chips that he had bought on his way to the park. Suddenly he felt something in his bag. He took it out. It was the catapult that his best friend had given to him! He looked around the park to see if there was anything that he could test his catapult on. Suddenly, he caught sight of a beehive hanging precariously from a tree branch. A mischievous thought came to him. Hmm, maybe I could test my catapult on that beehive! Without thinking twice, he took some small stones on the ground and aimed it at the beehive.
"Hey! Stop what you are doing! The bees might get angry and sting you!" shouted a man's voice from behind him. He turned and saw a middle-aged man with tanned skin.
He just ignored the man and began to shoot the beehive. The stone flew towards the beehive at a breakneck speed. The stone hit right at the middle of the beehive. Suddenly, he heard a buzzing sound. He turned around and saw that the bees from the beehive were chasing him relentlessly.
"Somebody, help me!" he yelled.
But everyone was busy running for their lives that they ignored him. There was chaos and pandemonium at that moment. He decided to stick to running as fast as he could.
While he was running, he stumbled on a small rock and fell down. The bees immediately took the advantage to sting his body all over. The pain was excruciating that he was knocked unconscious.
When he woke up, he saw his parents sitting beside him. They told him that a passer-by had called the ambulance when the incident happened and he was brought to the hospital. He apologised to his parents and promised not to do something mischievous again.
Whenever I look at the deep scar on my hand,I recalled the dreadful incident that happened to me that morning.It all happened on the day after my birthday.I was just hanging around the park with my brand new toy,a catapult.As I were tired of playing with the same old playground nearby,I decided to do something more exciting more thrilling ! I went to the nearby pond and hand-picked a few smooth stones for my catapult.I immediately saw what I am going to target after spotting a bee hive on a gigantic tree.I took one stone out of my pocket and catiously aim at the bee hive.A nearby passer by tried to stop me but it was too late.As soon as i release my hand from the catapult,the stone went propeling straight into the beehive causing the beehive to fall onto the ground.A angry swarm of bees immediately charge out of the beehive and attacked anyone they saw.All the people in the park was screaming in fear and running in all directions.It was chaotic and as for me,I was stung badly by the bees and as I was trying to esscape,I was knocked down by a passer by accidently and I fell down onto a tree trunk and the piercing sharp branches pierce through my hand making a long scar on my hand.The scar was bleeding profusely.Out of nowhere,an adult push his way through the crowd and ran towards me.He carried me to a safe place to hide away from the bees and called the ambulance and the police.In the nick of time the police came and controlled the whole chaotic situation and as for the bees they dissapeared into thin air.The paremedics treated my scar and put bandages around my hand.It was one terrifying experience I could never forget!
I was lazily wasting my time at home, laying on my bed as I looked at the ointments which were covering almost my whole body. My face, neck, legs, just everywhere were covered with the ointment. I groaned in agony as I moved my leg. The pain was excruciating. As I thought back of what I had done a few days ago, memories of the disastrous trip to the park flooded through my mind…
I was at home, toying aimlessly with my catapult. My friend, James had given me a catapult for my birthday and I really treasured the present. It was really boring at home, with nothing to shoot at with the catapult. I looked around my bedroom for something to do, but found nothing to kill time. Books, comic books, computer games, all not worthy of my attention. I sighed. At last, I decided to go to the new park which was just a stone’s throw away from my house.
When I arrived, I noticed that the park was packed like sardines. The air was fresh and serene, with the cheerful chattering of children. The tranquility of the air refreshed me greatly. Children were playing in the playground merrily and an old man was sitting in a bench, reading his newspaper. I was taking a stroll in the park when out of the corner of my eyes, I noticed a beehive hanging on a tree branch. That was when a wonderful idea struck me. I took out the catapult and picked up some stones on the ground. I was aiming at the beehive cautiously when a middle-aged man shouted,” Hey, don’t use the catapult to shoot the beehive! They might sting you when they get angry!”
I ignored him and continued aiming at the beehive. What a busybody, I thought. A little boy was standing behind me, as if daring me to shoot the beehive. I shot the beehive with my catapult without thinking of the consequences and it soared at a breakneck speed through the air towards the beehive. Just as I was feeling proud of myself for the accurate aiming, the bees in the beehive rushed out and began chasing me relentlessly. The swarm of bees chased me even faster and as I was passing past the pond, I decided to jump into it but it was fully covered with water flowers and ducks. Besides, I did not know how to swim. I gave up the idea and continued running as fast as lightning.
I accidentally slipped on a banana skin and I fell down on the floor with a loud thud. The bees decided to take advantage of it and stung me all over my body. The pain was so agonizing that no words could describe the sharp, stinging pain I was feeling at that moment. The man who reprimanded me earlier promptly dialed for the ambulance. Suddenly, all went blank for me.
When I woke up, I found that my parents’ eyes were red from crying. I asked them what had happened but found that excruciating pain coming back again. Later, I found out that my mouth had been stung too and it was swollen now.
From that day onwards, I vowed to behave myself and not let my mischievousness get the better of me.
Erm, mdm suriani, just to inform u, i re-wrote the compo so I deleted the previous one.
To afiqah:
Good choice of words.you did not talk about when you saw your friend.
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